May 11, 2008

GNR Show Ample Evidence Of Stuff ALL People Like

If you listened.

Some did. Most decided their mothers were more important than the show. Which is fine, but for next week people . . . let’s get our priorities straight, cool?

What’s up with John Travolta flying solo? Homo.

And Al Gore is despicable. His mother’s words.

Hilary is not going to give up. Neither is Michelle Duggar’s vagina.

Tom Cruise is a cunt. Or was that Kelly McGillis. Let’s say both. But uh, FYI, the short one is the Nazi.

There’s Jeremiah, and we don’t mean the Duggar kid either.

So go. And listen up.

And mom? I take back last year’s Mother’s Day post. The China Cabinet was NOT my fault.

Umm.

Go listen.

 

May 11, 2008

GNR Show Tonight At 7 pm EST

Here it comes, yet another experiment in absurdity.

Tonight at 7 on GNR . . we’ll talk about the race that’s over.

Jenna Bush, married? Right, and Hannah Montana’s taking it all off.

Those Weather Channel anchors are giving the Sportscenter clowns a run for their money . . .

OJ did it. I knew if this dragged on long enough, I would forget what it was he did.

Dammit.

Call us at 347-215-8054 and be pithy, clever and fun.

It’s . . . worth a shot.

May 4, 2008

GNR Show En Fuego

The GNR Show came to a very important conclusion tonight.

We need to get out into our own space.

WordPress ain’t no place for us. And neither is that other bastion of literary hell gone sound.

But until such time as we’re up and out and on our own, go listen.

You won’t find such special places on your FM dial. Go squeeze and shake, for real value.

We talked Jeremiah “USKKKAmerica” Wright . . . or more to the point, we provided his audacious audio.

And we talked Guam? Exactly.

And Hilary vs Obama in Indy and NC and for the rest of time . . .

We talked up Clemens’ balls and Miggy’s age.

There’s more. But I’m tired, and I don’t write here anymore for the very simple reason that I would never be able to forgive myself in the morning if I did.

So go.

And listen up.

 

May 4, 2008

Gorilla News Radio - Sunday 7 PM EST

GNR is back. This Sunday we’ll be talking about…

 

As Guam goes, so does the nation… WTF?

Obama, Clinton vie in Guam Democratic caucuses

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080503/ap_on_el_pr/guam_caucuses

 

To Live and Die in… Indiana?

Campaign Notebook: Democrats Face New Do-or-Die Primary Round

http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601087&sid=abowss3gQvyY&refer=worldwide

 

The Audacity of Jeremiah Wright

Obama says he’s outraged by former pastor’s comments

http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D90BMTNO0&show_article=1

 

Let The Bodies Hit The Floor!

After Hiatus, States Set Wave of Executions

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/03/us/03execute.html?ref=us

 

I am Iron Man…

$95 Million Dollar Weekend for Iron Man

http://www.deadlinehollywooddaily.com/wkd-prediction-iron-man-a-strongman/

 

Breaking Clemens’ Balls… Beyond Repair

Clemens ‘getting pummeled’, could drop defamation suit

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=3379193

 

Feel Good Story of the Week, ahhh

Tejada Promises Sick Kid Home Run, Delivers!

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/recap?gameId=280502118

 

 

Give us a call at (347)215-8054

April 23, 2008

Food Rationing Confronts Breadbasket of the World’s Rice Eaters

the800lbgorilla.com

In many parts of America, long considered the breadbasket of the world, people are not confronting a little cared about phenomenon: rice rationing.

But major retailers in New York, in areas of New England, and on the West Coast are limiting purchases of rice and there are reports that some “Asian” consumers are hoarding stocks.

At a Costco Warehouse in Mountain View, Calif., yesterday, “Asian” shoppers grew frustrated and occasionally uttered “Asian” expletives as they searched in vain for the large sacks of rice they usually buy.

“Where’s the 汉语 語 汉 rice?” an engineer from Palo Alto, Calif., Yajun Liu, said. “You should be able to buy something like rice. This is 汉语 漢語 汉 漢語 bullshit!”

The bustling store in the heart of Silicon Valley usually sells four or five varieties of rice to a clientele largely of “Asian” immigrants, but only about half a pallet of Indian-grown Basmati rice was left in stock. A 20-pound bag was selling for ¥251,599 (Yen), or $15.99.

“You can’t eat this 汉语 汉 語 every day! It’s too 汉语 漢語 汉 漢語 heavy,” a health care executive from Palo Alto, Fred Yao Ming, grumbled as his son loaded two sacks of the Basmati into a shopping cart.

The Mings seemed headed for disappointment, as most Costco members were being allowed to buy only one bag. Moments earlier, a clerk dropped two sacks back on the stack after taking them from another customer who tried to exceed the one-bag cap.

“Due to the limited availability of rice, we are limiting rice purchases based on customer’s ethnic “Asianness” and prior purchasing history,” a sign above the dwindling supply said.

For now, rice is available at “Asian” markets in California, though consumers have fewer choices when buying the largest bags. “At our neighborhood store, it’s very expensive, more than $30 for a 25-pound bag,” an “Asian” housewife from Mountain View said. “I’m not going to pay $30! Maybe we’ll just eat 汉语 漢語 汉 漢語 hamburgers like everybody else!”

April 22, 2008

Don’t Stop Thinking

It’s not over yet.

My colors are showing just a tad.

Oh fucking well.

April 22, 2008

Bowling For Cirque du Imbecile

It just became a bit harder to root for Les Habitant.

I still am rooting for the Canadiens to hoist Lord Stanley. (Yes, I’m paying attention to the NHL), despite this less than glamorous pose by their hooligan lot.

And I do realize the current fraternity of the “Original Six” are not to blame for the crazy shenanigans that went on after Montreal ousted Boston from the postseason yet again. But still . . .

It was the FIRST FUCKING ROUND.

Note to Canadiens fans from a Yankees fan who has watched his team win a couple titles in his day. (And overall we’re beating you guys 26-24 in hardware dollar right now).

ACT AS IF YOU’VE BEEN THERE BEFORE.

Because, you have. You’re not Predator fans. Even Nashville frowns on this shit. So you’re pretty pathetic looking right now.

I’m tossing back a Molson Golden later, maybe three or four . . in the hopes of forgetting this little abomination.

And one more thing . . .

Does Michael Moore know about this?

 

 

April 20, 2008

GNR Show On Hiatus Pending FCC Approval

We’re protesting Pope Benedict’s visit, actually. And not because he’s showing all us pilgrims that on the eighth day, God created a nightmarish tie up on the Major Deegan. Nope. we protest cause his trip gives Bill Maher pub. And if they fire Maher, he’ll just write an unfunny book about it. And it will be number two on the NYT bestseller list by next Sunday.

Actually we’re protesting the fact that a papal visit (Benedict in ‘65, John Paul in ‘79) guarantees the Yankees second division status. They’ll rent that place out to anybody . . .

Okay, not that either.

We’re just upset that the PA of NYC plays Kremlin re: the Freedom Tower and its grandiose lockdown design. Inpenetrable is what it’ll be, we’re told. And basically, that’s all we’re told. Thing is, if a homeless guy can score the blueprints for the new tower in the trash can, I’m feeling less inclined to head to the southern tip of Manhattan once construction is complete. I guess I should be thankful Osama’s not living on the streets.

Not the reason, either?

No.

Okay, it’s cause we’re gonna tinker, and ever and chance.

And then we’ll be back.

In the meantime, here’s my karate instructor.

 

 

April 19, 2008

If James Brown Woulda Blogged

It would’ve sounded something like this . . .

April 18, 2008

If I Only Had A Blog . . .

i heard the song in an accidental minute. it grazed my heart with a skip, while the wind took my breath; so i sat down on a dirty stair to let it do its thing. it tumbled in me until it went right through and my body felt heavy and tired. like my spirit didn’t want the burden of towing it along. i understood.


i lost him once. like he traveled oceans away where lonesome islands dotted undiscovered seas … so far letters couldn’t reach, and traces just disappeared in primal tides and deep storms. Storms so far away no one on land would even know they’d occurred. It was the deepest, far away loss that only i heard.


the song held it in december when all i could do was remember him. funny that now the remembering is about december. the far away storm. and our gentle return.

all that, from an accidental interruption of a simple song.

-author known . . . quite well

April 17, 2008

Why Didn’t Heather Mills Think Of This?

Alright, lemme get this straight. They already have Tricia in production? This viral manner of doing business re: divorce proceedings no doubt will catch on. Sketchy end game at best. No matter, it will catch on.

I’ve gotta rummage through my DVD collection and burn up “Chinatown” tonight. Those were the days . . when a PI would meat cleaver your life apart over whispery scotch settlements and everyone would go their separate ways; okay, so maybe someone got in the way of a bullet. Happens when papers are served, you know? And it was quick. And half the world wasn’t in on the part about you gulping down dick pills.

Yikes.

Gone is the days.

April 17, 2008

HAM radio will rise again

…and “hams” will rule the planet. Scary. The South Park guys aired The Day the Internet Stood Still last night. Gawker has a clip.

April 16, 2008

Pork & Beans

April 15, 2008

Just In Time For Tax Day!

The IRS has just released their new 2008 Tax Code , with one major change . . .

There is now a PENIS TAX -

This is due to the fact that 69% of the time the penis is hanging around . . unemployed. 10% of the time it is hard up. 20% of the time it is pissed off, and 1% of the time it is in the hole. On top of that it has two dependents that just hang around, and they’re both nuts.

However, effective 7/1/08 the penis will now be taxed according to its size :

The tax brackets are as follows :

10″ - 12″ Luxury Tax - $300

8″ - 10″ Pole Tax - $250

5″ - 8″ Privilege Tax - $150

3″ - 5″ Nuisance Tax - $30

Males exceeding 12″ must file capital gains

Anyone not meeting the 3″ minimum is eligible for a refund

PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION

Special thanks to Designer Girl turned Fashion Mogul Rachel for this funny. It’s good to see the folks at Tommy Hilfiger have nothing better to do with their day than make nice money and forward e-mail jokes around.

Thanks anyway.

April 13, 2008

GNR Show Is Back. Katie Couric? Still Dead.

Yes, it was a nice comeback for the lost boys from GNR.

We talked up Hilary and Obama and Wright and Red Sox t-shirts and kosher (don’t you love it?) and Jack (both), and fifty dollar bills and sex and the city and violent buddhists and homina homina hamas . . .

We had the surreal poet on. Quite sexy, if I do say so myself. Guys? Back me up. He WAS sexy . . . right?

It’s all really good . . . that’s what she said!

So what are you doing?

Listen up.

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